apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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