Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
