you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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