he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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