yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
