I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It's blow job season.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
