Already got asked if we're dating
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
