He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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