This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
