you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
i out mim tonsoeep
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize