3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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