I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
