you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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