Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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