Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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