I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize