My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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