a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The chlamydia really affected his face.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
