Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
