when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
