for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
