I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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