just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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