I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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