Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
