I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
