Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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