she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize
