WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just had sex on a roof
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
