I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
