you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Randomize