When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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