Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
