Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
