In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
