just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
