friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
