Yo dont text me then not text me
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
