I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
