I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
