Apparently you make a good broom.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
