we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
