I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
