my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
