never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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