I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize