apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
