He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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