I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
