OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
