I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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