there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
