check it out our google latitudes are spooning
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
