she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
