My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
