Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
