She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
