i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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