i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
