even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
