Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
