that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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