So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize