i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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