He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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