A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
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