Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
