hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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