I wanna bring you to show and tell
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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