I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
