Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Found the puke drawer
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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