I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Farmville is her only friend.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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