Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
