Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
