Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
