Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
