Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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