I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
