yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
They have beer where we have blood.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
