not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize