woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
