If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
