that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize