I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
