he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize