i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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