I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
