You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Are we still banned from the library?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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