He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
