Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
